Forgiveness

     Today at Church, a woman mentioned a vision God gave her while the Pastor was praying for me last week. She saw God healing my heart. The Pastor was praying for God to forgive my sins. At first it doesn't seem related but if you consider what was happening last week--the two are very interconnected.
     I was hurting last week and holding a lot of anger in my heart. Well anger is a sin...so even if the person who did wrong to you hasn't asked for forgiveness you must put your anger away and forgive them...so I needed to forgive the people that hurt me and move on.
     Well God usually gives me the gift of getting over things quickly. I usually move on within the day or by the next morning. This, logically, is for many reasons. One, why stay mad when it is only hurting yourself. Second, I have better things to do than to boil in my own rage. And third, when it comes down to it, most of the time, it isn't worth seething over. However, in the more recent situation, of course I was going to be angry and hurt for much longer. It was getting to the point, where I felt worthless and on more than one occasion, I needed my husband's reassurance that I wasn't a bad person and I was worthy of being treated well in my relationships. I mean, my gosh, Jesus sacrificed himself for me, I must be worth something right? But I didn't feel it. So last Friday night when I went to Church for that healing service, I was feeling LOW...I mean, the LOWEST of the LOW....and I cried--a lot.
     But something happened, I went home and made up with my husband (because of course I take my feelings out on him) and then I felt empowered and spoke to some of the people I felt hurt by. And even though I do not think these people will be in my life anymore (which is sad on one hand and okay on the other), I have forgiven them...even if they didn't specifically ask for my forgiveness it didn't matter. It mattered that my heart was healed and whole again. It mattered that I knew what I was worth and it mattered that God forgave me of my anger towards them. I pray for all of the other people involved, that they are able to heal and forgive as well. And I pray for you as well if you need to forgive someone in your life...it is not an easy thing to do, but if you don't, it won't matter to the other person, it only eats you upset inside. And who wants to be torn up like that?